The world is big and becoming smaller at the same time. What once
took days or weeks now happens when we press a button or speak a voice
command. With the popularity of the Internet and the World Wide Web,
communication happens in an instant-but do people really feel heard, and
connected to one another? Working as a professional speaker over the
past decade has convinced me that no matter how technical or fast
communication becomes, nothing can replace a conversation between
people. To bridge the gaps between people, effective speaking is the
key.
How does such a diverse global population connect in a way
that is meaningful? Speaking-the oldest form of communication and the
one used the most, is also, and often, misinterpreted by both the
speaker and the listener. We observe this and experience it all the
time, from the grocery store to the conversation with your boss.
Messages become clouded and misunderstood. Tempers flare, feelings get
hurt. One could even argue that serious armed conflicts, actual wars,
take place due to misunderstandings in verbal and nonverbal
communication.
To reap the benefits of instant global
communication, I believe it is ever more important to focus on speaking
with (not to) one another, as this influences all other ways we connect.
Speaking is a primary means of making interconnectedness between people
and nations a reality.
Sound simple? Not so much, because even
when we speak, messages miss the mark. Wouldn't it be easier if we all
spoke one language? There, too, not so simple. There are many variations
of the same language. Call them dialects, regional speech, and now
texting, a language that's spoken as well as typed, and shortens words.
Your spoken messages can easily be misinterpreted. Spanish is a language
that many people speak, yet if you go to Europe, versus Latin America,
you will hear different variations of Spanish. Even in different regions
of the same country, Mexico, people speak different Spanish dialects.
An
essential part of effective speaking is careful listening. That's
right, great communicators listen, and they listen much more than they
speak. Consider that for a moment-who do you know that is a great
listener? I can probably count on one hand the number of people in my
life who I can count on to listen to what I want to say.
A good
listener is more likely to be a good communicator. It's hard work to
shut off everything you want to say and tune into another. Yet, that's
how real connections and trust forms. When someone listens, and you feel
heard, that listener pays value to what you say, and true
interconnectedness happens.
Listening. It sounds counter
intuitive, doesn't it? You need to listen more, speak less, and pay
value to another by focusing on them. Yes, you read that right-listen
more, speak less. It will make the connection between you that much
stronger by listening. When you listen deeply, it is much easier to
reflect back what you heard. By doing that reflection, and checking for
understanding, you deepen connections even more.
Try this
experiment. Turn on your TV or radio to a news or talk show interview.
Have a watch with a second hand nearby. Listen to someone as they start
to speak. Time how long it takes for another person to interrupt the
speaker. In our 'sound bite' world, I bet it won't be more than ten to
fifteen seconds before someone interrupts. Is it any wonder that an
interview can sounds more like a verbal tennis match, rather than a real
conversation? Each speaker spends more time thinking of what they want
to say than listening and connecting to the other person.
You can
try another experiment next time you attend a party or business meeting.
After introducing yourself or greeting people, wait and see how many of
them ask you questions, or reflect back what you say, rather than
talking about themselves or another subject altogether. How many of them
look you in the eye or pay close attention to what you say when
speaking with you?
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